|
THIS IS MY HAVEN
blogging the bits in my life
|
|||
 my INTRO.
ZUOHAN, 06121988rickdecgozz@hotmail.com 23yrold boy with a 40yrold intellect NTU Communication Studies jog.gym.eat.laugh.sleep.sing.travel
my STATS.
my BUDS.
Audrey's Blog Chunyan's Blog Charmaine's Blog Evan's Blog Fiona's Blog Joseph's Blog Junhao's Blog Khangjing's Blog Lynn's Blog Supei's Blog Syahidah's Blog Yanlan's Blog CI Club's Blog my UPDATES.
I'm in Taipei now! :) |
Monday, August 22, 2005
The start of a new beginning. I had been extremely stressed up over these few weeks. Displaying a jovial attitude which is false. Giving numerous excuses became a routine. Disappearing from school due to stress which eventually led to illnesses became a common procedure that I lost trust and ultimately, my happy self being has been utterly shattered. I definitely do not blame anyone as its my own responsibility. Imagine the irony of naively concluding that you are pushing yourself to the limit when you were actually on your way to a plateau. Why do I sound so pessimistic, or lifeless? That because I have reached a decision- To quit canoeing and concentrate on my studies. Being one who constantly pressurised himself for good grades, I lost my sense of pride and self being when I transformed from a studious zombified worker to a merely depending on luck in order to scrap through a test or exam and currently, one who has lost all motivation to study and achieve my goals. ________________________ And I really want to thank my brother for providing a listening ear and critically, rooted the sense of self being back into me. I feel relieved. Honestly, really relieved. ________________________ Right now the only area of concern that I was to direct to is how I have disappointed my peers, mates and seniors. I'm sorry Hong An that I let you down. You have always believed in me that I can do it (4As, work, canoeing and achieving Top 100). And to be truthful, you were one of the reasons I kept barring myself from contemplating about giving up and quit canoeing. However, I have seriously made my stand on this issue this time round. Sorry. I'm sorry to all my my canoeing mates, including the seniors. My absentism in canoeing has indefinitely brought down the morale of my fellow mates, and disappoint some seniors who might have high hopes for me. I was really sick, but not to the extent that I will collapse the moment I exert myself. Which is to say, I do have the endurance to carry on. But I have to face it. I am weak mentally and with the combination of stress and exhaustion, I lost my passion in canoeing that I initially possessed. But I am thankful to canoeing as it has allowed me to know that I can actually push myself over the limit and endure pain that I never imagine I could. More importantly, I got to know a bunch of you that are wild yet disciplined during trainings, such as Kah Meng, Liling, BoonMay, Daphne and Sarah. To my teammates, I'm sorry that I give up when we are all very bonded. But I cannot carry on anymore as I know I have reach that point where I actually dread everyday, with nothing to look forward too. I am not exaggerating, really =), but just that I want to show the emphasis on my words. Really sorry Huilin (for being a like a sister to everyone), Jingxiu (thank you for being so patient recently when I decided to catch up with the rest of you in terms of fitness and skills), Earl, Terence, Weesheng, Jaromes (thanks to all of you for awakening me and strengthen the fact that I need to buck up) and finally, Peiliang for enduring my constant naggings. Thank you so much. I do feel really sad now (not exaggerating Earl =)), because I feel that I am disappointing all of you. Sorry =) Finally, I want to apologize to my classmates(those who cared at least) such as Pearly, Kinho and even bitchy Clement. I did not deceive you guys, for I was really sick due to my stress. If you read above, I could stand up and bring myself to school, but I chose to give in to my weak mentality. ________________________ Have messaged Mr Lai just now after reaching my decision. Going to inform Mr Bernard Tan as well. Perhaps I'm intimidated by glares and disappointment dialogues to the extent that I have to publish such a saddening post in my blog, but partially this is also because I can bring across my heartfelt words through a barrier, that is the internet instead of reality. So to whoever that have seen this, really hope you understand how I am feeling now, _______________________ Sadden but relieved. |
||
|
ZUOHAN, OUT!
end of muses, rants & complaints. |
|||